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Detour

Posted on October 10, 2012October 11, 2012 by Andrew

It hadn’t always been this way; there had been a time when his eyes hadn’t wandered from his wife to the pretty girls at the bar, but thinking back he really couldn’t remember when.

He’d never strayed – never taken the road that could not be undone, but this time for some reason it was different; it was as though he was drawn as a moth is to a flame, and he felt powerless to resist.

Perhaps it was because he was alone in a late night bar in the big city, or perhaps it was that he’d had just a little too much too drink – the result was the same, tonight was the time for something new; something different.

He steeled himself, checked himself up and down and made his move; the room vanishing around him as he struck up a conversation.

In that moment he realized that he would never want a woman again.

 

Lillie McFerrin

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30 thoughts on “Detour”

  1. Sarah says:
    October 11, 2012 at 1:05 am

    oh my he’s taken a real detour – I like your twisted tale!

    1. Andrew says:
      October 11, 2012 at 7:39 am

      Thank you Sarah. I’m glad you appreciate the sting in my tale.

  2. Britton Minor says:
    October 11, 2012 at 8:07 am

    I’m really enjoying your fiction pieces-especially since I can never anticipate your hairpin turns.

    1. Andrew says:
      October 11, 2012 at 8:11 am

      Surprise is so wonderful, don’t you think? Thanks for visiting Britt.

  3. injaynesworld says:
    October 11, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Damn! You knocked this one out of the park, my friend. 🙂

    1. Andrew says:
      October 11, 2012 at 9:12 am

      Thank you Jayne. I’m looking forward to reading your take on this prompt 🙂

  4. Lillie McFerrin (@LillieMcFerrin) says:
    October 11, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Wow! Completely unexpected ending. Nice job 😀

    1. Andrew says:
      October 11, 2012 at 6:34 pm

      Thank you Lillie – I appreciate you visiting!

  5. itsjennythewren says:
    October 12, 2012 at 2:51 am

    wow huge twist at the end- well done 🙂

    1. Andrew says:
      October 12, 2012 at 6:42 am

      Thank you Jenny. The twist is fun, isn’t it!

  6. Mark K says:
    October 12, 2012 at 3:26 am

    Nicely done with a great build-up to that punch. Great writing skill, sir!

    1. Andrew says:
      October 12, 2012 at 6:43 am

      Thank you Mark. I appreciate your kind words.

  7. JazzBumpa says:
    October 12, 2012 at 6:05 am

    Wow. That’s an epiphany.
    Didn’t see it coming.
    Well done.

    JzB

    1. Andrew says:
      October 12, 2012 at 6:44 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed it JzB – I think it was a shock for him too.

  8. Sarah Mac says:
    October 12, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Well I wasn’t expecting that! Great twist.

    1. Andrew says:
      October 12, 2012 at 6:44 am

      Thanks Sarah. I’m glad you stopped by.

  9. Wayne Assiratti says:
    October 12, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Brilliant Andrew. Really compact and efficient writing. Short, bittersweet and a kick at the end.

    Cheers,

    W.

    1. Andrew says:
      October 12, 2012 at 1:54 pm

      Thanks Wayne. It’s amazing what can be communicated in five sentences. I really like this concept. Thanks for visiting!

  10. Shari Daniels says:
    October 13, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Wow. Your sentences really grabbed me. And, that ending. Love it!

    1. Andrew says:
      October 14, 2012 at 11:25 am

      Thank you Shari. That’s very kind of you.

  11. Sandra says:
    October 14, 2012 at 2:24 am

    A real turning point in his life. Very nicely done, Andrew.

    1. Andrew says:
      October 14, 2012 at 11:26 am

      Hi Sandra. Yes, a definite turning point. Thank you for visiting.

  12. Michelle Wallace says:
    October 15, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Well crafted selection of 5, Andrew. I love the slam at the end! A defining moment!

    1. Andrew says:
      October 16, 2012 at 1:51 pm

      Thank you Michelle. You’re very kind.

  13. Lisa Shambrook says:
    October 16, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Not where I thought it was going! lol

    1. Andrew says:
      October 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm

      Yes, the piece took a detour too!

  14. akismet-32413b224e7bf3d13069184e51efa866 says:
    October 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    ” . . .the room vanishing around him as he struck up a conversation,” total commitment to straying and then, bam! he’s done. Niiice!

  15. Andrew says:
    October 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Thanks for stopping by!

  16. TheOthers1 says:
    October 16, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    That last line was a game changer. My eyebrows shot to my hairline there. There’s plenty else I could say (about his deciding to cheat and whom he’ll be cheating with), but I’ll settle on saying great job.

    1. Andrew says:
      October 16, 2012 at 8:59 pm

      I suspect his own eyebrows shot to his hairline as he made his discovery too! Thanks for the encouragement.

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